A Year After Goodbye

Is it weird that December 8, 2016 feels like yesterday and years ago all at the same time?  One year ago today, I was sitting in the ICU of St. Jude Medical Center, preparing to say goodbye to GrandPa Stith. Our huge family had already hogged the 4th floor waiting room for about a week, each of us rotating in and out of grandpa's room.  We held his hand, cried, sang to him, told jokes, prayed, laughed, and cried some more.  The day before he passed, I had a few minutes all alone with him in his room.  I just held his hand tightly, letting my thumb rub back and forth over his hand, and I just kept talking to him, letting him know I was there.  I wanted to remember this moment, so I took out my phone and took a close up picture of his hand in mine.  I cherish that picture so much, and it's now pinned to the inside of my Bible.  It was our very last picture together.  

December 8th was so incredibly hard.  It was the first time that I was experiencing a significant loss in my life, and I wasn't ready for it.  Is anyone ever ready for it? As machines were turned off, and his music playlist was turned on, over 20 of us surrounded grandpa and said our goodbyes.  In true GrandPa Stith fashion, he took his sweet time.  I think he was waiting for us to stop sobbing, because he finally went to see Jesus as laughter was filling the room.  Don't get me wrong... we were devastated, but we chose to share in laughter too.  I mean, how can you not laugh when out of the devastating silence, comes the opening song of Disney's Lion King... blasting from GrandPa's playlist?  We all started to laugh.  I remember listening to a lot of hymns, disney songs, Whitney Houston's version of the National Anthem (the best version according to GrandPa), and of course, Louis Armstrong's What a Wonderful World. 

I will never forget that day.  It was one of the hardest days I have ever had.  I watched one of the most important people in my life take his final breath here on Earth, and start his Heaven sized adventure!  I had to watch my mom lose her dad... and there was nothing I could do to make it better... nothing!  I watched my siblings and cousins lose their Grandpa, and all we could do was cry. But, we had each other.  I was so thankful for my huge crazy family that day.   

We had GrandPa's memorial later in January, and I don't know what came over me, but I decided to share at his service.  I am terrified of large crowds and public speaking.  And I've never been a fan of crying in front of people.  I wrote and re-wrote what I planned to say, many times!  What I shared is below.  I hope I honored GrandPa.... I hope I made him proud, because he certainly made me proud! 

What I shared at GrandPa's memorial:

Dave Stith had many titles: Husband, brother, dad, uncle, co-worker, coach, and friend. But for 25 of us in this room, he was, and will always be GrandPa... OUR GrandPa, and let me tell you, he was a GREAT one!  Since losing GrandPa about month ago, our family has had time to reflect on his unbelievably amazing life.  We have gone through boxes and boxes of pictures together, told stories, cried, and laughed until we cried again.  He was the best!

One of my earliest memories of Grandpa was when he literally forced me to go on Splash Mountain at Disneyland for the first time.  I remember crying and refusing to go on it in true 6 year old fashion.  He kept assuring me that I would like it, and that getting out of line was not a choice! I was going on it!  Well, as the story typically goes, I went on the ride and ended up LOVING it!  However, I also remember making the conscious decision not to admit liking the ride.  I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. I wonder where I inherited my stubbornness from?

Other things I will never forget was how Grandpa taught me about football over breakfast at Denny’s one morning.  He used every salt and pepper shaker, syrup bottle, and ketchup he could get his hands on to diagram different plays and formations.  He also took me to my first professional baseball game to watch the Oakland As play. We shared a love of musical theater and he was willing to go see my favorite musical with me- Wicked.  But he made sure to tell me that it was just okay and that the Lion King was way better.   If I ever had a computer problem, he was my first call.  And it had better have been a phone call!  He made sure I knew that if I had something important to discuss, it should be over the phone and not in text message.  And then there was the day all of our lives changed… the day Dave Stith got a Facebook!  Our worlds would never be the same!  Most people called me Tiff or Tiffers growing up, but my GrandPa gave me the nickname “Tifferino,” and I remember getting mad at other people who used that.  I would emphatically tell them that only my Grandpa Stith was allowed to call me “Tifferino”.

It turns out I got something else from my grandpa, a love of coaching.  I coach high school girl’s basketball and I’ve had no bigger cheerleader than GrandPa.  For some reason, he actually enjoyed coming to watch me coach freshman girls basketball. And I promise you, its not a pretty sight!  But even at 31 years old, my heart would always jump a bit when I saw him walk into the gym and take his seat on the first row just to the right of half court. I wanted to make him proud.  He loved to debrief games with me and give me pointers, and would even offer to buy me a margarita after a tough loss.   For a list of many reasons I almost didn’t return to coaching this year.  But when I told grandpa of my plans, he told me that I was way to good of a coach to quit. He told me that those girls needed a positive experience and a great coach to start their high school careers. It meant the world to me to hear him say that, so how could I not go back? This season is my 10^th season of coaching.  Unfortunately, GrandPa didn’t make it to any of the games.  He went into the hospital the weekend of our third game.  It’s been a tough year and I miss seeing him on the sideline, but I’m going to finish this season strong for him. 

I am grandkid #2 in a line of 25.  Growing up, I thought that was normal, but turns out…it's not... it's pretty extraordinary.  And GrandPa managed to love each and every one of us ...fiercely... just as we are!  As the pictures all around the room will show, he went to all of our games, graduations, recitals, and shows.  He bragged about us all the time… all you have to do is look at that infamous Facebook page.  But today, we get to brag about you, GrandPa!  You taught us all what it meant to work hard, to persevere, to love our family, and to love our Lord.  To say that it was an honor to be your granddaughter would be a huge understatement.

Today we celebrate your life; a life well lived and a life well loved!  I miss you dearly, and there are days it doesn’t seem real that you’re gone.  But then I smile because I have the promise of seeing you again in Heaven!  I also smile, because I look around this room and see you here- in this family, these 24 cousins of mine... we are your legacy and I hope we honor your memory well.  We love you GrandPa!  Thank you for being our #1 fan.  You were most definitely our #1 GrandPa.